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I'm back!

Back to my own house and away from my grandmother. I knew she wouldn't let me leave without eating dinner first. but that's ok. I did good today! So happy. I didn't get to weigh myself like I wanted, so I'll do that in the morning at some point. I couldn't remember if her scale made some kind of sound or not and I didn't want her to know I was weighing myself on her scale. (paranoid???). I only had 3 peices of candy today! whoo hoo. hard to stick to when chocholate is staring you in the face! breakfast was leftovers from 2 nights ago. lunch was coffee. dinner was a 10inch hogie; ham, swiss cheese, honey mustard, onion, lettus, tomato, and sweet peppers. That wasn't so bad right? I feel accomplished anyway.
I watched Game Plan today, it was so funny. I almost cried at one part! haha
And now here I am, all of my stuff from shopping with grandma is still in my car... i'm going to take it out in the morning.
Tomorrow I have to take my mom to the hospital to get blood work done and give people some papers and take her to some medicaid office somewhere and somehow find my way from the one to the other... that should be fun...


I see that nothing has really happened here... o well
Reading a new book today called "The Pretty One" by Cheryl Klam.
I wanted it for anyother reason that I get books. for ed help and wonderful sad stories. This one is ED.
So I got an idea from this book. The girl copies her thinner sisters meal plans (and actually names the diet after her) and sticks to that. Granted I don't really have anyone to copy, unless someone wants to give me something, I decided to make my own meal plans. I never really had one and I know I should but I just never felt like it. The plan for today was to not eat any candy and not to eat after 7. reasonable right? And today I was successful so I can't wait to weigh myself in the morning!
I'll keep you posted on my meal plans. I can't have them too specific because I never know were i'm going to be the next day...

just another day... again

Well today wasn't so bad, but I gained all my wieght back. so i'm back at 140... crap.
I was bord today so I got my dad to take me out to see Bolt in 3D. I haden't seen it yet so I thought it would be fun to see it in 3D. But of corse my big mouth mentioned that I hadn't eaten dinner yet, so we stopped at wawa to get a turkey bowl and I just HAD to grab a whole bunch of candy because we never buy it at the theater. stupid me. So I end up eating most of it and I still have some in my purse. reese's pieces, skittles and nerds. I had 3 cow tails, a now and later, and a juicy drop pop. i could have had more but i don't remember what. and to top it all off... diet tea.... does that make any sence to you??? I can eat all of that crap but I HAVE to have diet tea....
so yea really sick about that. and i think i have heartburn... but it could just be the thought of how much i had... and all of it after 7. huuu
i'm about to go ride my "healthrider" and get on my way back to thin. at least for the first few minutes my body burns the food in my stomach for fuel first right??? ok ttyl


Final Marks

Well I got my final grades and I'm worried. I got : B, B, B, B, C+
So that give me a 2.885, and I need a 3.0 for my scholarship.... I'm worried
My overall is a 3.0 including the classes I took in the semesters past, so I hope they take my cumulative and not per semester... uhhh

On another note, my weight goals. I seem to be slipping again. I went up to 140 again but didn't post cause I was ashamed. lost 2 pounds... o boy. so that's my battle for the day and for all the other days. can't wait until i look like the girl in the picture. ok that's it for now. I'll read the rest of your entried when I get the time.



A young girl walks into a room
And doesn't like what she sees
In her reflection there
She's not what she wants to be

She cries out, she cries out

The frustrations of this life
Are filling her head
How could such a simple thing
Have a grip so intense
She cries out, she cries out
I want to be like the movie stars
And models on the screen

She wants to fly away from this
She wants to fly away from this
But she does not know how to
Fly away from this
She wants to fly away

She tries just to be what she's not
But she's destroying herself
She starves herself
This compulsion must end

She cries out, she cries out
I want to be like the movie stars
And models on the screen

She wants to fly away from this
She wants to fly away from this
But she does not know how to
Fly away from this
She wants to fly away

This addiction is bringing her down
This obsession is bringing her down

She wants to fly away from this
Fly away from this
She wants to fly away from this
But only God knows how to
Fly away from this
He will help her now to
Fly away from this
She wants to fly away
Fly away



Well today is better.
I had a crazy past few days. Monday, I took my car to inspection and found out that I have been driving around without my insurance for a long time. I don't even remember the last time I saw it! So in the end... i failed. The next day I went to school in my dad's car. Mom called and told me that I left my license and registration at the DMV... *grrrrrrr* So I had to call dad and ask him to get it for me because I had no time to get it in between classes and I ended school after they closed. He happened to be in the area. But I had to drive home without it... hmmm. Thankfully on my way home I remembered that I still had my provisional license... so technically I had my license. whoo hoo and my dad also got me another insurance card. Today I went back and got my new sticker!!! whooo hooooooo.
On another note. I exercised so hard yesterday that my legs hurt soooo much. And I'm gonna do it again tonight! 37 more to go, for those who know what I mean.
I and I got my first filling.... it hurts so much. I wasn't sensitive to cold and sweet before... but now I am. At least I got it done without novicaine! Strong girl!!!

Just another day

Hey, what's up.
Just another day here. Go to class, pretend to pay attention, then go home. But I do have good news!!!! I made my scheduel for next semester!!! I have Principles of Sociology on tuesday's and thursday's from 9:30am to 10:50, then Basic Microbiology lecture on tuesday's and thursdays from 11:00am to 12:20pm then Basic Microbiology lab on thursday's from 2:00pm to 4:45pm. I have Introdution to Art from 7:45pm to 10:15pm. And on fridays I have Develpmental Psychology from 6:00pm to 9:00pm. I've got some long nights, but that's ok for me. I have a buisy life and this works with it.
Now I hvae to pay attention to class now because I have a quiz in 20 minutes...

my day today.... uhhh

Well today i'm just so pissed off.
I wasn't really that pissed today. I drove down to school today and tried to not the let day before bother me. In class i did NOTHING AT ALL! stuff i don't feel like doing, i don't do and other than that i have finished all of my assignments. so uuuuggggg!!! 
I was so happy when a friend gave me a present! she gave me a CD i told her to buy me but i didn't think she would really buy it for me! i was so happy!
Overall I just don't want to go home and I don't want to be here, if that makes any sense at all....
whatever maybe I should just leave.


thinspiration, anorexia, eating disorder

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January 2009


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